Wednesday, October 08, 2008

One Hundred and Eleven

Dear Benjamin,

Today you are 111 days old. There doesn't seem to be much significance to that, does there? You're over three months, but not quite four months old yet.

I bet Patsy knows what 111 days old means. And now that I've said her name, a lot of other people can hazard a guess, too.

Your big brother, Anthony, was 111 days old when he had his liver transplant.

All of the parenting books and magazines say you should never compare your children to each other; that each child is different in their own special way. That couldn't be more true, but I don't think the parenting books took into account liver transplants and things like that.

It amazes me what "normal" is truly like. Not my distorted perception of "normal", but true "NORMAL". Feeding you every four hours; laying with you on the floor for tummy time; listening to you babble and "talk"; so many "normal" things.

Big brother didn't do any of those things on a normal schedule. Life with him was pretty scary in his first four months; not that it wasn't worth it - it was always worth every moment of fear I felt. Life with you is comfortable, easy.

Thank you for letting me be your mama - for letting me have "normal".


Dear Anthony,

Your baby brother, Benjamin, is the same age today that you were when I handed you over for your liver transplant. He is 15 pounds - about 8 pounds heavier than you were at this age. And yet, he's so tiny. His stomach is so tiny - I can't imagine a scar there...except you had a scar there at six days old.

You were so tiny; so sweet. You were full of smiles, but no babbling or laughing. I didn't realize that a three-month old would be so VOCAL. I didn't know a three-month old would be so SNUGGLY. I didn't know a three-month old would still be waking up at night...Lord, we're exhausted!

Watching you now, a healthy (almost) five-year old, with your brother is so much fun. You always want him near. You have to kiss him good morning, good night, good middle of the morning, good noon, good after nap, good almost dinner...

Thank you for letting me be your mama; for letting me see that "normal" can manifest itself in many different shapes and forms.


I love you, my sweet boys!


Cheri said...

Oh my gosh I was crying while reading this! THe picture of the 2 boys is priceless! You are so blessed! You really should have been a writer!

Stacy said...

Ok, thanks for starting my morning off with a cry...Thankfully, I don't have the make-up on yet. And, seriously, can they look anymore alike?

We love you guys!

Just Me said...

A liver transplant at Day 111...Wow! That is so crazy! What beautiful letters to your boys (and, they DO look SO much alike...hard to believe I met Anthony when he was "Benjamin size!"! He looks SO good and is such a big boy now!)

Take care.

ATs said...

What wonderful letters! You are so lucky to have to two precious little boys. And they're so darn cute too!

angie said...

Thank God for normal!! I'm so so so glad that we are both getting to experience it. What a HUGE difference a healthy liver makes:). Your boys are BOTH so precious! Thanks for sharing

Anonymous said...

My arms ache to hold him. I love to hold and rock babies. The picture of your two sons is precious. Anthony looks so pleased with himself. Love, Gram

Renee said...

Awww, crying over here too. Sweet post.